I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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