Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
