he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
