You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
