The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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