I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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