I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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