ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
