porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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