Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
