Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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