He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
