Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
