im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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