its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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