dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
