I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
