I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
