when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
