I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
