Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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