I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
