so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
