So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Houston, we have a blender
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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