yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
