I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
