hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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