he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
