you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
