the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
