That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
