Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
