Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
