He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
