what if every blade of grass was a penis?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
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