So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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