I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
