My sheets look like a crime scene.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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