she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
