the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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