Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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