remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
