so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I cockslap morals
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
