Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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