When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
