There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
