she woke up with a sticky ear
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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