I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
