Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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