Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
