My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
