New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
