So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
