I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
how does that bad decision feel?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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