I just threw up on my dentist
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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