I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
