this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
