Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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