We named our party play list daddy issues
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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